


Devotion

by Pandir



Category: Dragon Age: Origins, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Crossover, M/M, Padawan!Alistair falls for Jedi Master!Duncan, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 16:11:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5504249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandir/pseuds/Pandir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The road of becoming a full-fledged Jedi is rocky, but Alistair is as dedicated to the Jedi Order as he is to his teacher.<br/>Though that does not exactly ease his struggles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Devotion

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KrokoRobin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrokoRobin/gifts).



> Merry Christmas, mon Peluche! <3 A bit early, but I want you to have something to read, so have this - it may a bit rough in parts still, will fix those when I have more time at hand. :>
> 
> Sort of incorporated some kissing challenge prompts: “I almost lost you” kiss, Kiss on the forehead and Seductive kiss (or rather smooching you because I totally want a relationship even though it’s probably not exactly encouraged kiss)

Alistair is young, too young to have found his place in life. When Alistair accidentally levitates the pot of soup towards him at dinner – he rather tips it over and spills it all over the table, but the important part is that he does it without touching it -, his days at the orphanage are over. Instead of being punished, he gets tested, and when they tell him he shows signs of the Force, it’s all he ever wanted.  
But when he travels to the Jedi Temple, he soon learns that he is too late, already too old to be taken in as a youngling and therefore too old to be trained in the ways of the Jedi.

Alistair practically begs for a chance to prove himself. He does not want to go back, now that he left for the promise of a better life, a future, and his defiance is stronger than his doubts. Taking a chance can’t hurt, he tries to reason, because after all, the Force has chosen him, and that has to count for something, right? And despite his flippant attitude, Alistair wishes so very much to belong.

His wish is granted by a tall Jedi, clad in beige and dark brown robes, whose keen eyes had been on Alistair for the whole time. He declares that he sees potential in this young boy who is more than ready to dedicate himself to a cause. Even when others voice doubts, Duncan is not swayed, and when he insists on taking him as his apprentice, and Alistair could not be more grateful.

As Alistair leaves at Duncan’s side to begin his new life in the Jedi Order, he can’t hold back, equally surprised and curious. “Uhm, can I ask you a question, sir, uh, Jedi Master?”, Alistair falters, unsure how to address the man beside him. He barely knows his name, or anything about being a Jedi’s apprentice yet, but he hopes eagerness will make up for it.

“Master Duncan will suffice”, Duncan says.

“Alright, so, Master Duncan?”, Alistair tries again, and when Duncan does not interrupt him, he continues, “I might be wrong, but I got the impression the others were not too fond of me. And now I can’t help but wonder - why did you want me?”

Duncan gives him a smile that makes the sharpness of his features appear less stern, to Alistair’s relief.

“In time, you, too, will learn to trust your instincts, my young Padawan.”

*

Duncan, it turns out, expects nothing less than complete dedication to the training, yet as daunting as his attitude may be, Alistair discovers that he is quite patient as long as his apprentice trains hard and tries his best.  
Alistair is good with the lightsaber but he has his troubles with feeling the Force and using it to his advantage, and he performs worse the more frustrated he gets about disappointing his teacher.

“Close your eyes”, Duncan instructs him after watching him struggle for what feels like an eternity.  
“It won’t work.” The boy glances sulkily at the sphere he is trying to move. He knows he is being whiny, but he’s been trying for several lessons now, and surely Duncan will finally have to see that he is a failure and that he should not have taken him under his wing. “I can’t even get the blasted thing to budge, I swear it feels as if it is glued to the table!”

“Close your eyes”, Duncan repeats, and Alistair obeys with a sigh. As predicted, he can focus as much as he wants, he can’t even sense the thing. Truth to be told, he would not even know if it moved. When he wants to admit that to Duncan, to save him the time and trouble to bother with him, he suddenly becomes aware of Duncan’s hands, a split second before they touch his shoulders to keep him upright.

“Focus”, Duncan says, his voice calm and reassuring, “Feel the Force flow through you.”

And Alistair takes a deep breath, as he instinctively relaxes under the firm weight of the hands that hold him, and he allows himself to be guided by the calm voice.  
His nervousness fades, and Alistair grows more and more aware of the room encasing them, the things surrounding him, even though he can’t see them. And then he feels, stronger than anything else, the powerful presence behind him, but even though that makes him slightly nervous again, it helps him to focus his thoughts.

“Did I do it?”, Alistair asks after a moment of very intensely picturing of a sphere that is lifted off the table right in front of him, his eyes still closed dutifully.

Duncan does neither move nor answer. Instead, he says, “I’m asking you: Did you succeed?”

“I think I did?” Alistair tries to sound hopeful, yet he knows it is awfully obvious that he is guessing.

“You should know that you did”, Duncan says, but he does not sound displeased, and his fingers squeeze Alistair’s shoulders approvingly before he lets go of him.  
“Try again.”

*

As he improves under Duncan’s guidance, Alistair grows certain that this is right where he belongs, where he has always supposed to be. Together, they aid people and to fight when they need to, be it to protect others or their own skin, and he is always at Duncan’s side to learn and assist, as he witnesses him solving conflicts and making hard decisions.

Duncan is pragmatic, dedicated and has high expectations, and Alistair soon finds out that he can be even a bit ruthless, too, both in his decisions as well as in combat. Alistair is nothing like that, and he admires his master all the more for it. Duncan never shies away from all these crushing responsibilities, and he remains calm and collected, while Alistair is always too emotional and often fails to keep his mouth shut.  
Alistair is a fast learner, though, as he listens closely and follows each advice, each order, with a dedication that borders on devotion.

To improve his focus and to practice keeping his emotions in check, Alistair often meditates when Duncan is not with him, attending a Council meeting or doing an errand on his own. But after trying his best to free his mind, in the end, Alistair always tries to focus his thoughts solely on Duncan’s presence. And when he can sense him, in a very vague yet distinct way, as the Force is connecting them despite the distance between them, this knowledge fills him with a soothing warmth that calms him like nothing else.

*

He is not supposed to have strong attachments, Duncan tells him. A Jedi needs to be able to let go. Alistair nods, readily accepting this piece of wisdom, even though he is not entirely sure he understands. The more philosophical side of being a Jedi tends to be a little over his head. Until now, Alistair has trusted his instincts, as Duncan has advised him, and it has worked out well, so he worries not too much.

 

*

“I knew your father”, Duncan tells him one day, on a long cruise to the outer rim of the galaxy.  “And your mother, too.” As he speaks, there is a softness about Duncan’s eyes he’s never seen before.

Alistair stares at him. He has been Duncan's apprentice for years now, but Duncan never as much as mentioned Alistair's parents before, and Alistair can hardly believe his ears. But he is so eager for more and not wanting to interrupt him, he bites his tongue and holds back an avalanche of question that he knows Duncan will not answer. Duncan can be awfully secretive about his own past and has very strict opinions on the right time to impart knowledge to Alistair, and arguing has never worked.

“The Force was strong in your mother”, Duncan says, and suddenly, his eyes are on Alistair, sharp and, as Alistair feels, very expectant.

Alistair swallows, suddenly aware of great footsteps he has to fit into. When Alistair tries to ask for more, Duncan, as Alistair predicted, simply tells him, "Another time."

And he is right, the revelation gives Alistair already a lot to think and meditate about. It does feel right that Duncan knew his parents, but Alistair wonders if this is the reason why he wanted to train him - and if it was the only reason. There's nothing he wants to do more but prove himself to Duncan, and Alistair is determined to do so, now more than ever. 

Then he thinks about the softness in Duncan’s gaze, and Alistair is no longer sure what exactly it is that he wants to prove to him.

*

“Be patient”, Duncan tells him. “Let them come to us.”

But Alistair is eager to show his worth, and he cannot wait forever in the elevator for the Droids to surround them, so he charges out of their little shelter, right at the opponent, and quickly decapitates three Droids with his lightsaber.

Too late, he realizes that they are more than he expected, and when Alistair looks around, he finds that he is surrounded by cocked guns and robot heads. He could use a little help now, but Duncan is not with him, and a feeling of dread overcomes him.

“Master…?”, he asks, softly, and it is a desperate plea for help.

To his relief, he hears the familiar sound of a lightsaber being drawn behind him, and with a few vicious strokes, the Droids behind him fall and Duncan appears at his side. Together, they defeat the rest of them with ease.

“Master, I apologize-“, Alistair starts immediately, stepping over disassembled Droids to get to Duncan’s side.  
Duncan gives him a look that makes him fall silent. “Patience”, he says, simply, and Alistair feels rather sheepish.

“I won’t disobey you again like that”, he vows ruefully. For some reason, Duncan shakes his head at his words, though he does say no more.

 

*

“You were telling me about attachments, and about strong feelings, and I get that those are definitely trouble”, Alistair is quick to assure. They are waiting for a contact in a rather shady bar, and Alistair thinks it as good a time as any to wrap his head around the matter. He is not a boy anymore, after all. There's some hair on his chin now, not as impressive as Duncan's beard, of course, but Alistair is rather proud of it nonetheless. 

“Still, I can’t help but wonder, what if a Jedi falls in love?”, Alistair asks, and he has trouble sounding casual, though he tries his hardest. This has been nagging on him ever since Duncan first told him about the dangers of strong attachment, but Alistair never had the courage to ask, and he's both afraid and aching to know. “Would that be just sorta awkward, or is it more like, half a foot over on the Dark Side already?

“Jedi have an obligation to the Jedi Order”, Duncan says with a gravity that lets Alistair his heart sink, before Duncan continues: “But don’t be fooled into believing that this means Jedi don’t indulge in any wordly pleasures.”

Alistair is surprised to see a spark of playfulness in his eyes.

“It’s all a matter of priorities, Alistair”, Duncan concludes, his tone more sober now, with the detached air of someone who is not particularly troubled by the problem discussed.

Alistair nods. He thinks he understands, but he does not dare ask the other question that burns on his tongue, too afraid of how awfully transparent he would be, and too afraid he might make a fool of himself.

*

The attack is sudden and unexpected, and Alistair makes a mistake and allows their glider to get hit, and they have to jump out before it crashes against the rocks.  
Alistair barely gets to his feet before their attackers are upon them, but as struggles to ward them off as best as he can with a piece of scrap metal, his lightsaber lost in the crash, a sudden, powerful wave of the Force throws the last of the hirelings against the rocks and they collapse to the ground.  
Alistair turns to see Duncan, kneeling between the strewn corpses of the ones who have ambushed them – payed, Alistair assumes, by the syndicate that they were on their way to investigate for illegally selling weapons. Alistair hurries over to his master, almost stumbling over the debris. Duncan’s hand is pressed to his ribs and his face a stoic mask that has Alistair more worried than anything else. Carefully, he helps his master up and half-carries him back to their ship that carries them to safety.

Alistair can’t suppress the thoughts of guilt. The crash was his fault, and it is not right that he would come out of this unscathed while Duncan is severely injured. Alistair is sure that he has failed as his apprentice for not letting his master come to harm like that, especially by his own stupidity.

 

Duncan is asleep, the medical robots have done their work, and Alistair _knows_ he’ll be alright. Still, he can’t shake the worry. He stays by Duncan’s side, and it is strange to watch him sleep, his sharp features unusually relaxed and peaceful. It has been strange already to see Duncan brought to his knees, to have Duncan lean on him on their way back. Alistair knows no Jedi Master is invincible, Duncan has told him so repeatedly. Still, Duncan has always seemed so unshakeable to him.

But Duncan is not, and the realization struck Alistair much harder than it probably should have. Alistair carefully takes his hand, worn and rough, and warms the cool fingers with his own.

“You’ll be up again soon, Master”, he says, even though he knows Duncan can’t hear him. It is mostly to reassure himself.

Because he does not know what else to do with his anxiousness, Alistair bows down to kiss the knuckles of the hand he is holding onto, lips only briefly, reverently touching skin, and it is his way of saying “please”.

Even though he should not be, Alistair is afraid, so afraid of losing.

*

There is something very daunting about being Jedi Knight, travelling on his own and making the tough decisions, and Alistair can’t imagine himself being a full-fledged Jedi, even though Duncan says will soon be ready. The truth is, Alistair can only ever see himself by his master’s side, his young Padawan, who will obey him and assist him as best as he can.

“You need to make your own decisions, Alistair”, Duncan tells him, and it is not the first time Alistair has the feeling that his teacher can read his thoughts.

The Padawan sighs. “I know.” He does not like the sound of it.

Duncan gives him a long, contemplating look that makes Alistair even more nervous, not less, and he tries hard to keep himself from fumbling with his robes.

“I will still be there to give you advice when you need it, even when you are a Jedi yourself.”

Alistair shoots him a quick glance, but the gaze of the dark eyes is unnerving, so he looks down at his knees. It is impossible to say how much Duncan knows, but the thought that Duncan will not magically be gone is reassuring.

“Don’t be so gloom about it”, Duncan chides him, softly, “I know you can do it.”

Alistair wishes he could say the same for himself. But then, Duncan rests his hand on the back of Alistair’s head, ruffling his hair, and this is everything.

“I’m proud of you, my Padawan.”  
And Alistair can’t help it, he looks up to Duncan, eyes wide and unable to hide what these words mean to him. There is something else in Duncan’s gaze, something Alistair can’t place, but the smile he gives him is appreciative, right before he leans in to give Alistair a brief kiss on the forehead.

His lips coarse barely make contact with the skin, and Alistair has trouble to resist the urge to lean in for more than a tickling beard and the faint touch of the lips briefly brushing his forehead. When Duncan leaves him to his own thoughts again, Alistair shivers despite the heat that pools in his stomach.

If Duncan believes in him, Alistair thinks with sudden, new-found courage, maybe he can do it.

*

“Guess who passed his trials!”, Alistair all but yells at him as runs up to him, beaming all over his face – not exactly a decent behaviour for a Jedi Knight, but he is too overwhelmed to care. He comes to halt right in front of Duncan, takes a deep breath and with a wide smile, he continues, “You don’t have to guess, actually, because now I pretty much gave it away already and you probably knew all along. But to be honest?”, even in his joy, Alistair can’t shake his surprise entirely, “I almost thought I would not, I made some mistakes – you would have chided me for not being focused enough -, but as you can see, I must have figured most of it out.”

“I’m glad for you”, Duncan says, and there’s an amused smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Don’t forget to breathe.”

“Forgive me for being excited, Master, but you don’t pass your trials everyday”, Alistair gives back, yet he stays silent then. Even though he is sure that Duncan is just teasing him, he still wanted to make a much more mature impression.

“Alistair, now you are no longer my apprentice”, Duncan puts his hands on Alistair’s shoulder, and there grip is strong and still so reassuring to Alistair, and even though Alistair knows Duncan expects him to stand on his own feet now, Alistair relishes in the feeling. “I’m sure you’ll be an excellent Jedi Knight.”

Alistair laughs, a bit uncertain. “I wish I was that sure myself, but I guess I’ll just have to get accustomed to it...”

“It will be alright. Just come to me, if you ever need to talk”, Duncan reminds him, and it’s all Alistair wanted to hear. As they leave the Jedi Temple, Duncan walks at his side, one hand still on Alistair’s shoulder. “So, how do want to celebrate?”

And now that Duncan treats him like this, much more casual and at ease, Alistair truly feels different for the first time. He has grown, hasn’t he, and it’s almost as if he is close to something like an equal in Duncan’s eyes.

“Maste-“, Alistair interrupts himself. Just when he thought that he had grown so much. “I mean Duncan.” The name is odd on his tongue, and his stomach does the strangest churn as he puts his hand on Duncan’s arm to stay Duncan in his steps, just outside of the Temple.

Alistair carefully licks his lips, trying to muster up courage, a plan, or anything really. “There is something I need to tell you”, he finally confesses, “and maybe you already know and I’m being an enormous idiot right now, but maybe you don’t, and then I’m also being an idiot right now”, Alistair laughs, and it feels awfully jittery to him, but Duncan does not comment on it. In fact, Duncan does not make any attempts to interrupt him, so Alistair takes a breath and tries to get it out of his system.

“Long story short, I was not sure about, well, many things actually, but I told myself that maybe, when I’m no longer your apprentice, there’s something like a chance you’ll take me seriously?” He is giving it all away already, with his rambling and also his cheeks growing hotter by the second. Alistair is sure Duncan sees right through him, and the smile he gives Duncan has to be helpless and silly, and awfully transparent, too. “Also, if I embarrass myself now, I can at least avoid you forever - you know, bury myself somewhere to die of shame”, he quickly adds, and somehow, admitting that he knows that he’s making a fool of himself makes him feel a lot better.

“Alistair”, Duncan finally interrupts him, Alistair bites his tongue in dreading anticipation, unable to meet Duncan’s gaze. Then he hears Duncan say, “Breathe”, and he could swear to hear soft laughter in the slightly exasperated reminder.

Alistair has learned to trust his instincts, and with a bravado he will never know where it came from, especially since his heart was thumping so loud in his ears, Alistair looks up in Duncan’s dark eyes again, and he feels so distinctly what he has been yearning for all these years. Before he knows it, his hand touches Duncan’s shoulder and his finger dig into the folds of the robe as Alistair kisses him, on those coarse, yet warm lips, and the thick beard scratches against his chin in a way that makes his stomach flutter.

As Alistair lets go of Duncan’s robe again, he is even more breathless than before. Quickly, he hurries to take a step back, while trying his best not to die on the spot from embarrassment.

“So you did learn something about patience after all.” Duncan does not seem surprised, but even though his response is teasing, his smile is not. And as he looks at Alistair, red-faced yet hopeful, there is a softness about Duncan’s eyes that makes Alistair feel accomplished in a way that not even the initiation into the ranks of a Jedi can compare to.


End file.
